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Let’s stir up some memories: it’s moving season

Moving is an interesting experience.

In all the things we do, it’s fairly unique. The feeling it instills in us – or myself, at least – is also fairly different in that it’s a bit of a blending of emotions.

Moving is somehow depressing, joyful and nostalgic all at once. Maybe catharsis could be the closest single emotion it builds up in you and then lets out.

It’s like we take a big stick and stir up all those memories which have lain dormant on our shelves, in boxes, at the back of drawers all this time. Most of them we had forgotten about, others recollected but only from time to time. Then, suddenly, when we find ourselves moving they all come briefly back to life.

Some of them are that hoarder in all of us, finally being confronted, dragged out from under the bed and tossed into the light. Do I really need three pairs of old jeans I can safely work outdoors in? Why are there so many opened boxes of pens lying around? Did I really buy a Lily Allen album for $3? There are more shoes than I know what to do with.

Jars of tea, with the price tag still on them. The tea gone stale and more faded than the labels. I haven’t drank more than a few cups in five years. Coffee converted me long ago.

Books I read many summers ago bring back memories of front porches and sunny days. The smell of cut grass and a cool breeze signaling an early autumn creeping in. The feeling of the pages beneath my fingers as I turn them and fight the wind to keep my place.

That cookie jar that currently holds my spare change, silver pieces worth no more than 25 cents, though usually less, take up the space where once cookies sat cluttered, given to me one holiday season some thousand years ago. I don’t remember if I enjoyed the cookies, but I remember the name of the baker.

Notebooks, notebooks and notebooks – those are the most common. I seem to own more notebooks that I do undershirts. Most of them half-filled with my sprawling chicken scratch.

Rules for board games, memos and lists, words that once lined up in a phrase sounded next-to-words.

There were notes from school, notes from courses I took on my own, sheet music I had written for guitar, story ideas, plot points, red pen notations that I took while over the phone with some client or another.

So many words, so much written that I hardly recall the half of it, even when reading it. Most of it could have been written in another life for all I know, by some other person with a similar shorthand, at some other place in their studies or career.

Sometimes I know the man behind the words, other times it’s simply a mystery.

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Mr Goudas Rice (Is Very Nice)

I don’t usually read the labels on the food I purchase, but something happened in my kitchen today.

Sure, I’ll examine the ingredients list with surgical precision (you have no idea how often one company or another will try to sneak beef stock into something masquerading as vegetarian) and I maybe give a cursory glance at the nutritional content, but the rest of the label might as well be non-existent as far as I’m concerned.

Why?

For one, I discovered long ago that the other 90% of the label is reserved for the usual marketing bullshit.

You know, that section where they cram as many “top quality”, “100%”, “premium grade” and other nonsense praising the subtle aromas of grocery store wine. It numbing and it’s all the same.

Or so I thought.

Earlier this evening, as I paced my kitchen waiting for some water to boil I passed the time by picking up a near empty bag of Mr Goudas rice and, for whatever strange compulsion, I read the labels.

At first I was put off by the strangely constructed phrases, leading me to assume it was simply the victim of some criminal transliteration. But then, I realized I misjudged the flavour text on my bag of rice and, simply put, everything I thought I knew about product labels came crashing down before me.

Mr. Goudas wasn’t try to play ball the way your average bag of rice tries to play ball. Quite the contrary: Mr. Goudas is playing a game of its own.

Instead of finding cooking instructions, I found a three paragraph rant on why cooking instructions on products suck and how we should never follow them. At first I thought it was just a long-winded way of getting to the topic; but nope, the label had no intention of telling us how to cook rice.

Intrigued, I continued to read. I suddenly noticed the crazy jingle about the quality of Mr. Goudas rice (it’s so very nice) that was smack on the front of the bag as well as the offer to visit the company’s website . (dead as of 2023 or earlier) I knew I had to.

The company’s website is, to put it bluntly, absolutely, marvelously insane.

Picture your average website, circa 1997: there’s an animated intro with a theme song; we’ve got Rastafarian beans praising the quality of Goudas’ rice; there’s a scrolling banner pulled by an airplane; there’s an an e-Book about cow’s feet and Rastafarian culture, with the opening disclaimer that that one should use the washroom before reading it lest they laugh themselves so hard they have an accident (it even contains the occasional smattering of phonetically cringeworthy patois yaaaa mohn); there’s also thousands of words of biography, history, blog posts, assorted rants and everything else under the sun.

Mr. Goudas is a remarkably bizarre brand, which kind of also makes it remarkably awesome. I don’t know whether half of what I saw was satire or just out of fashion, but I do know what brand of rice I’ll be reaching for the next time I’m at the market.

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Seth Rogen Movies

I realized the other day when I was sitting down in front of the television going over the stack of movies I recently bought that almost all of them are comedies and almost all of them feature Seth Rogen. Somehow that man has not only become identified as one of the premier faces in comedy these days, but also apparently stars in the type of comedies that I’ll buy off Amazon the moment they for $2.50. The strangest thing is that it all just sort of happened; it’s not like there was any sort of concentrated effort on my part to expand my Seth Rogen film collection.

Heck, I don’t even think that had anyone asked me that I would have even said I was a big fan of it. However, evidence is beginning to point to the contrary. Oh my.

For the three of you out there who don’t know who Seth Rogen is, he’s that funny looking Jewish guy with goofy teeth and a big fro that first appeared as the cameraman helping Veronica Corningstone film the kitty beauty contest in Anchorman. After that he got a break as the stock guy working at Smart Tech alongside Steve Carell in the 40 Year old Virgin. From there he’s pretty much been in 2-3 movies a year, most of them either directed or produced by Judd Apatow.

I suspect it all has something to do with fellows like Apatow who have cornered the market on raunchy, rude, and ridiculous young adult comedies these days, especially considering that Kevin Smith doesn’t really seem to care anymore. Yet regardless of Apatow’s writing, directing and producing promiscuity these days he probably wouldn’t have been able to pull it all off without someone like Seth Rogen who combines perfect line delivery and some mighty good improvisation. Also he looks funny, which certainly helps since as humans we haven’t really lost out taste for seeing fat guys get hit in the face with flying objects.