Categories
Opinions Writing

Know your Ecommerce job descriptions.

Ecommerce is the art of selling useless shit on the web. Some people make a living out of it, other spend their living on it. Behind every successful ecommerce venture are a whole ton of people playing different roles in the company, each contributing to the team in different but important ways.

Sales
Sell useless shit to people who don’t want it.

Marketing
Make people think they want the useless shit you sell just long enough for you to sell it.

Inventory
Make sure the useless shit you are selling is actually being sold.

Accounting
See if you are selling enough of the useless shit you need to sell.

Shipping
Pack all the useless shit you sell into dumb little boxes.

Secretary
Answer the phone when people call about the useless shit you sell.

Web Admin
Make sure the website you use to sell useless shit keeps selling useless shit.

Designer
Make sure all the useless shit you sell doesn’t look very useless.

Management
Convince your employees that there is meaning behind all this useless shit.

Categories
Books Opinions Updates

Let’s stir up some memories: it’s moving season

Moving is an interesting experience.

In all the things we do, it’s fairly unique. The feeling it instills in us – or myself, at least – is also fairly different in that it’s a bit of a blending of emotions.

Moving is somehow depressing, joyful and nostalgic all at once. Maybe catharsis could be the closest single emotion it builds up in you and then lets out.

It’s like we take a big stick and stir up all those memories which have lain dormant on our shelves, in boxes, at the back of drawers all this time. Most of them we had forgotten about, others recollected but only from time to time. Then, suddenly, when we find ourselves moving they all come briefly back to life.

Some of them are that hoarder in all of us, finally being confronted, dragged out from under the bed and tossed into the light. Do I really need three pairs of old jeans I can safely work outdoors in? Why are there so many opened boxes of pens lying around? Did I really buy a Lily Allen album for $3? There are more shoes than I know what to do with.

Jars of tea, with the price tag still on them. The tea gone stale and more faded than the labels. I haven’t drank more than a few cups in five years. Coffee converted me long ago.

Books I read many summers ago bring back memories of front porches and sunny days. The smell of cut grass and a cool breeze signaling an early autumn creeping in. The feeling of the pages beneath my fingers as I turn them and fight the wind to keep my place.

That cookie jar that currently holds my spare change, silver pieces worth no more than 25 cents, though usually less, take up the space where once cookies sat cluttered, given to me one holiday season some thousand years ago. I don’t remember if I enjoyed the cookies, but I remember the name of the baker.

Notebooks, notebooks and notebooks – those are the most common. I seem to own more notebooks that I do undershirts. Most of them half-filled with my sprawling chicken scratch.

Rules for board games, memos and lists, words that once lined up in a phrase sounded next-to-words.

There were notes from school, notes from courses I took on my own, sheet music I had written for guitar, story ideas, plot points, red pen notations that I took while over the phone with some client or another.

So many words, so much written that I hardly recall the half of it, even when reading it. Most of it could have been written in another life for all I know, by some other person with a similar shorthand, at some other place in their studies or career.

Sometimes I know the man behind the words, other times it’s simply a mystery.

Categories
Books Opinions

Books I Read in 2014

Back at the start of 2014, I challenged myself to read 40 books over the course of the year. In the end, I completed 42. For a while, I was overconfident, thinking I could push it to 60 or so (I was power reading on the bus every morning), but once my PhD started, my novel reading prowess had to take a back seat to speed reading course materials.

A couple of thoughts came to mind about a few of the books I read this year:

Michael Adams and his quest for the worst movie ever made reminds me of my average Sunday afternoon as I peruse youtube with my brother, looking for shit to watch, while eating Indian food and drinking copious amounts of Black Label beer. I wasn’t all that surprised to learn that I had already seen most of the movies he writes about.

I read a solid 10 novels from Henning Mankell this year. I had previously read Faceless Killers and enjoyed it, but something about rereading it got me hooked on that man’s prose and the ridiculous, tragic, realistic events in the life of Detective Wallander. The final novel in the series, The Troubled Man, might have been the most heart-wrenching novel I have ever read, particularly because certain elements of Wallander’s of aging, and losses, struck a little close to home.

Times without Number by Brunner definitely gets the prize for “most difficult book to find”. I had somehow discovered it’s existence on a Wikipedia article about time travel in fiction, and was intrigued by the premise. Unfortunately, the bastard’s been out of print for a while so finding a second hand shop that sold it (over Amazon, no less) was an ongoing challenge. In the end, it’s story was less interesting than it’s ambitious themes, but the themes and thoughts alone were worth the treasure hunt.

The book that challenged and moved me the most was definitely Althaus-Reid’s The Queer God. A well-read, bixesual, latino woman, who was also a liberation theologian, applying Queer theory to Christianity and given no fucks about typical academic methodology? Talk about a wild time. I don’t think I will ever be able to write an academic paper the same way.

Worst book I read might have to go to Stephen King with The Wind through the Keyhole. I love most of this work, but talk about an unfortunately long-winded wreck of a book. The prose were smooth, but fluffly, the plot and structure ambitious in concept, but made pointless through their execution. Oh well, one can’t be expected to write killer fiction for 40 years without a few bags of crap along the way.

Anyways, here’s the list of books I read in 2014:

Kafka – The Trial
John Fante – Ask the Dust
Leo Brent Robillard – Leaving Wyoming
Don Delillo – White Noise
King – The Langoliers
Vonnegut – Gold Bless you Mr Rosewater
Henning Mankell – Faceless Killers
King – Secret Garden Secret Window
Camus – L’etranger
Michael Adams – Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies
King – The Mist
P.D. James – Talking about detective fiction
Mankell – The Dogs of Riga
Mankell – The White Lioness
King – The Library Policeman
King – The Sun Dog
Chester Himes – A Rage in Harlem
Steinbeck – Cannery Row
Mankell – The Man who Smiled
Heinlein – The Puppet Masters
Mankell – Sidetracked
Mankell – The Fifth Woman
Wells – The Isle of Doctor Moreau
Mill – Utilitarianism
Vonnegut – Breakfast of Champions
King – The Wind through the Keyhole
Mankell – One Step Behind
Mankell – Firewall
Mankell – The Pyramid
Mankell – The Troubled Man
John Brunner – Times without Number
Marcella Althaus-Reid – The Queer God
Abbie Reese – Dedicated to God
Pierre Boulle – Planet of the Apes
Orwell – 1984
Fleming – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Burrus – Sex Lives of the Saints
Jay Johnson – Peculiar Faith
Hammett – The Thin Man
Fulton J. Sheen – The World’s First Love
David Mitchell – Cloud Atlas
Gibson – Neuromancer